Home » Gist/gossips

$EX TOYS OR THE REAL DEAL

$ex is something we refrain from talking about publicly, particularly in Africa. It was almost a taboo when I was growing up to talk about $ex in a casual no-holds-barred manner. My friends and I talked in hush tones to relive true or made up escapades with girls.

Nowadays, with the advent of the ubiquitous internet and the attendant grand stage of social media, $ex talks are more unabashedly on the front burner. Every adult, except for medical or psychological imbalances, is deemed to be capable of enjoying the exhilarating sweetness that $ex is.

$ex here includes the precursor. Once you’re not raping someone, there are three stages before actual coitus: attraction/seduction, consent and foreplay. These are concepts that make the whole idea of $ex phenomenally dynamic and pleasurable. There’s that inherently human angle to it.

It usually starts with a conversation. “Hello. My name is Muideen (or Lekan). You look to me like someone I will like to get myself acquainted with”. Nowadays, doing the social media stunts, the conversation sometimes flows back and forth until you literally sleep with each other without having ever met.

As bad or as odd as that is, the parties won’t still jump into bed pronto. There will be obligatory hugs and pecks. There could be a trip to a restaurant for some bites and sips. Conversations will ensue before the big show. There has to be an understanding that “something’s gonna happen”. Once it’s time, there’s almost always foreplay. Kisses, niggles, smooches, licking, sucking, dirty talks.

It is in this mode that I sometimes wonder how the high and mighty (our president, governors, obas, emirs, clergymen et al) do it. Do they lose their senses like we commoners also do once we start clicking into the gears of animalistic fantasies? When the heat is on, nothing else seems to matter.

We throw caution to the winds as wave after wave of deepest emotions take over. Have you been in a situation when the wife will suddenly say “no” and the husband will be like “o ma ni se oriibu’u”(you won’t be unfortunate)

Well, jokes apart, the human to human feelings resonate throughout the immediate environment. We make sure the doors are locked.

We make sure we turn up the volume on the home theatre to drown out the “ringtones”. As husband and wife, we make sure the children are snoring before we begin our “ijakadi”(argument).

For many, as contemporaneous as it is sometimes, there are still some preparations to be done including getting the bed laid and sliding a condom or two under the pillow. And then to the real deal. I make sure my snaky tongue darts around her gums and teeth. I do request her to bring forth her tongue. I love rubbing my nose on hers, a practice that sends cool shivers down my spines and guarantees goosebumps.

Undressing a lady is an art on its own. Some work on the art of speed, others on the art of order: outer clothes, bra and pant with the added spice of taking the time to fold them neatly before returning to “work”.

Foreplay must continue after being stark naked. Why not? Stimulation must reach a particular crescendo. You really do need the suck the suckables.

There’s a way the tits are handled that the dotted antennae turn from being comatose to getting noticeably hard and erect. For the male, the Long John is usually the organ that gets a new lease of life. It rises as if it is a small balloon undergoing inflation.

As a kid, I compared its behaviour when aroused to the head movement of a static lizard. For the female, the vulva is the melting pot. You can usually observe that the labia majora seems to have a heartbeat of its own. There’s a natural lubrication that follows blood flow through the genitals. This is achieved with the presence of mind and flair for excitement that trail stimulation engineered by the male.

Foreplay could be a mere 2 minutes or can take up to an hour. Of course a man could find himself having the privilege of foreplay but no sex.

What if you’re with a girl who’s not ready to surrender her hymen to you? What if it’s her menstrual period? What if your parents are not far off? What if she says “without condom, just smooch me”.

I won’t describe actual $ex. That could take an eternity to graphically illustrate. But you all know about that moment of slippery entry. You know about strokes, thrusts and rhythm. You know about experimenting with styles and positions. You are familiar with moans, light screams, giggles, trance and talking dirty. Orgasm nko? You no know?

The orgasm that sends me to Cloud Number 9 is the simultaneous orgasm when the two parties “come” at the same time. If you haven’t experienced that, that’s bad luck. It is actually not particularly common but you’ll be mightily thrilled to be able to achieve it with your partner.

Then the two of you end the act “being wasted”. This is that moment of collapse and short breaths. For some, the recovery doesn’t take long but for others, a nap is compulsory. Awon “sèkansùn”.

The aftermath could be a snappy return to status quo ante or a continuation of romance: more kisses, head on the chest mode (girls like to do this on six packs), joint shower and moments of profound gawking/admiration.

Now relax.

Why have I taken the time to become quite silly with this kind of openness about sex? I have taken you, as best as I can, on a journey most of us love to take, but which is now being threatened by an ALTERNATIVE ROUTE. For many reasons, a man or a woman can now seek to satisfy sexual needs by getting sex dolls cast in the full image of humans.

A doll doesn’t nag. A doll doesn’t say “No”. A doll doesn’t give terms and conditions. A doll doesn’t ask for T-fare or get you to order Pizza or KFC and then nibble on it. A doll doesn’t announce menstruation or discomforts. A doll doesn’t miss her period.

A male doll doesn’t have premature ejaculation. A male doll doesn’t flop. A male doll doesn’t continue when you say “O ti to”. There are myriads of other justifications. These are beautiful dolls with your right sizes of sexual organs.

Well, make a mental note of the comparisons and decide where you will like to pitch your tent if at all you can afford the price of a doll.

Last night, before I went to bed, I glanced at my wife. She was there on my couch having slept off while watching Africa Magic Yoruba. She wore nothing under her wrapper.

I could see her luscious thighs and her slight breaths slowly heaved her bosoms noticeably up and down. Omo dara sibe. I smiled and hatched a plan….I checked the children up in their rooms and returned to wake up my own woman.

About The Author


You Might Like This


About Fasholu Gabriel Oluwatobi 1396 Articles
Gabriel O. Fasholu is the founder and editor of SPYCONNET. A brilliant Educationist, Social Media Enthusiast & Freelancer who is passionate about passing undefiled information to the entire public.

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.